broken.

have you have ever felt broken?

spiritually, mentally, physically, intellectually? 

maybe you were broken because of an actual broken bone, loss of a loved one, a missed job opportunity, failed relationship or loss of your self worth?

here’s the thing…

no one is exempt from feeling broken and guess what, it’s ok to be broken!

“it’s ok to be broken. the more cracks and holes, the more light can shine through”

like all of you, i’m no stranger to being broken. in fact, during a really rough few years of my life, i seriously considered changing my name to “kyla always broken goold”

i remember one time i felt devastatingly broken.

i was 19 years old and had only been married for 13 months when my husband told me he didn’t want to be married anymore.

i wish i could tell you that this was something i hadn’t seen coming, but the marriage started rocky after years of tumultuous dating and i had felt in my core that this day was inevitable. i returned to my hometown and faked a smile for months, as i was so unsure of how i would ever be able to pick up all the pieces of my young shattered life.

have you ever felt devastatingly shattered?  

it took a long time and a lot of heartache to realize that things in my life weren’t happening to me, they were happening for me.

it took a change of heart, a deliberate focus on the good, and knowledge that even in heartache, suffering and injustices, there were people who loved me, i was worthy of joy and i was enough, with or without these things.

it was years before i realized my divorce didn’t happen to me, but that i was being let go in preparation for something much greater.

i decided a long time ago that my happiness and joy, no matter my circumstance was up to me. it was up to me to allow the light of joy to shine through the cracks and help me fill whole again.

is your happiness up to you?  

there are three practices i do daily to help fill those cracks when i’m feeling broken and that allow the light to shine through when new cracks and holes  appear.

the first thing I do, is disconnect.

i don’t just mean disconnecting from my phone, computer or tv, which I think we should all do daily anyway, but for the times i’m feeling broken, i disconnect from the world.

disconnecting from the world and distractions allows me to connect to something better, the needs of my mind, heart and soul.

for me, disconnecting is a collection of things i do to clear my mind, slow down my pace and breathe. i love to meditate, go for walks with my kids, write in my journal and do activities that let light and joy shine through without reservations.

tool #2 is to be deliberate.

to be deliberate means to consciously and purposefully live according to specific values. for me, those values included being kind, honest, spreading joy to everyone i meet, knowing who and whose i am, making mindful choices daily that bring joy to my life and the life of my children, and serving others in need. by choosing to be deliberate in my actions i have a focus and purpose that helps me to see the light everyday.

the final tool is to just do. 

i have always said that it’s better to be a human doing than just a human being.

from a young age i watched my parents reach out to people daily in an effort to do. friends, family, neighbors, strangers, it didn’t matter who or where, if it was planned or spontaneous, i was always observing daily acts of doing.

maybe you know someone like my parents? someone who doesn’t sit around and wait for you to ask for help, or show up only in really hard times but is always there and always doing.  

i caught on at a young age and began applying this practice into my daily life.

when you do, you’re telling the broken parts that you don’t even see them. you’re letting the light completely blind the holes and cracks by acting, forgetting yourself and sharing that light with someone who may need it more.

by disconnecting, being deliberate and doing, you’re creating joy in your life and the life of those around you.

i know that by allowing the light to shine through when you’re broken, lying on the floor in pieces of your shattered life, that you’ll be able to find the strength and know that you are still worth it and that there are many things still in store for you.

i hope you’ll take these tools to heart and use what works for you.

remember, it’s ok to be broken. be broken and know that every crack and hole is a new opportunity for light.